It is OK to be ungrateful.
Holidays and the end of the year can be stressful. Special events and birthdays come with expectations to appreciate and say thanks to co-workers, family, and even strangers. It can be difficult to balance saying what is expected and being true to yourself. While part of you may want to tell your most annoying co-worker how much you did NOT appreciate them this year at your employer’s holiday party and another part of you wants to scream at your older sister about how you are NOT thankful they drove across the country to see you for Thanksgiving (really, they could have stayed home and saved you the trouble). Whatever the details of your life are, we can all relate to this awkward situation filled with expectations of perfect and consistent bliss and gratitude for everything, and everyone that is around us.
You may feel pressure to express gratitude, but what if you did not have to lie or pretend? What if you did not have to love the present you received? What if you do not have to find the help given to you useful?
Take a minute and let it be fine if you are not appreciative of what someone else does for you. What would this be like?
Sure, it is most certainly a good idea to still thank the person for their time, their hard work, or their effort, but you by no means owe anyone your full gratitude, when you are not grateful. You do not. Not even a little bit. Nope. There is a big difference between complying with a social norm of saying words of gratitude and being grateful.
You can choose what you value and what matters to you. Maybe the only thing in the whole wide world you appreciate right now is your favorite shoes or houseplant. Maybe you are only grateful today for the memory of your late mother's recipe for triple chocolate brownies. Maybe it has been so long since you experienced gratitude that you have forgotten what that feels like.
There is a big difference between expressing gratitude and experiencing gratitude. Consider reflecting upon a time when someone thanked you or someone expressed gratitude towards you for taking the time, effort, or energy to help them. If this is challenging, recall the last time you were watching a movie, or reading a story, and you related to the character in that story. You felt what they were going through. When a different character helped the one you connected with, you experienced gratitude alongside the character. This detail matters.
It’s not about the words or the statements. You can express gratitude a thousand times over, but without experiencing gratitude, it can be difficult to connect with the core parts of ourselves. If you need some help or support figuring out how to experience gratitude healthily for you or to explore what you value and find important in your life, feel free to reach out to us and we will talk about how to connect you to the support you need, even if it isn't us because even if our team isn't a good fit, we will give you information on where to look next. Why? Because that is one of our core values. What’s one of yours?
