Welcoming Chaos

Many years ago, one evening a man woke up in the same house he had lived in his whole life. He followed the same rise-and-shine routine since he was a teenager and put on his familiar work uniform: steel-toed boots, jeans, and a T-shirt. He got in his truck and drove across town to clock in by midnight to work the graveyard shift at the town’s biggest factory. 

A normal routine and an orderly life by all accounts. 

Until one day it wasn’t. 

One morning, that man finished his shift, walked outside in time to see the rising sun off to the distance, and walked across the parking lot to find his truck so that he could drive home, across town, back the way he came. The man walked and then double-backed and walked along a different section of the parking lot, but his truck was nowhere. He couldn’t find it.  Did he park on the other side of the factory last night? He walked around to the front side of the building, slowly traveling up and down each row of parked cars with no success. Was it stolen? Did a family member come and get it? Was something wrong at the house? The man called his mother, a retired school teacher, who often woke up early to bird watch out the back window, but no answer. 

His heartbeat raced, and uncertainty set in. 

How was he getting home? How was he getting anywhere without his truck? And why did his mother not answer the phone? Is she okay? 

A tired brain relies on habit. The man needed to walk out of the factory at the end of his shift, get into his truck, listen to his favorite music, and take the route he wanted back to his house. The man didn’t just want to do this. He needed to do this to feel safe. 

No truck in the parking lot meant no safety. When the man tried to gather information and find his truck, he got stuck because he couldn’t find it anywhere and now he didn’t know if his mother was okay, because she was not answering her phone, and he couldn’t check on her because of the original issue, no truck. His heart didn’t just race now, it pounded. Worry and fear began to set in. 

Sound familiar? We have all been in this situation. 

No, I don’t mean we have all had our vehicle go missing while we were at work, but we have all found comfort in routine and order and have all encountered something that disrupted this familiar safety. Often, without any warning and frequently when we are tired and otherwise not in the best frame of mind to handle the sudden change.

In the case of the man, as the sun rose higher and more sunlight covered the original parking lot he first looked for his truck, and he realized that the parking lot lights in one corner had gone out.  His truck was now hidden behind an even larger vehicle, which originally was hard to see in the dawn’s early light. Once the man sat down in his truck, started up his engine, and got his favorite songs playing, he made it home to discover that his mother had forgotten (again) to take her phone off silent, so she didn’t hear it ring. 

Everyone is okay. Shortly after returning home, the man’s heartbeat slowed, returning to normal, and he quickly felt safe again. The worry he had experienced evaporated with each passing minute he was home, and calmness set in so the man was able to sleep well and rest before his next shift. 

Not all stories end this way. A lot of stories end with chaos – with stolen trucks and mothers who have fallen ill in the night. What happens then? 

What happens is a response. Your response. 

You do not for a single second have to approve the unexpected, the chaos. 

But if you simply accept that it happens, and welcome it with curiosity, you can respond with purpose, explore the situation more, and perhaps find that what you are looking for isn’t missing. It might just be hidden behind something unexpected. 

It is possible to feel safe, even in a moment of chaos and uncertainty. If your habit is to first accept and welcome the situation without judgment, then you can respond without judgment. You can develop the habit of responding and not reacting so that you can make choices and take actions that help you reconnect to what is most important. Had the man reacted with anger, he might not have had the patience to check the parking lot a second time and find his truck. He may have even yelled at co-workers or accused people of stealing his truck, which would have caused more conflict, uncertainty, and chaos.

Maybe what you are looking for is safety and order.  Maybe you want to find something that you lost along the way and need help to think differently about the situation so that you too can respond with purpose and find safety again. You do not have to walk alone in your journey of recovery or growth. At Maverick Insights Counseling, we can listen to you and help you manage the unexpected. Consider making an appointment today.

5 answers to questions about therapy and 1 chicken.

1. Why talk to a therapist? Here is a more important question: Why invest money and time in therapy? Why not just binge watch fun short videos on whichever social media app is trending right now? After all, the host of the videos is often cute and good looking.

Admittedly, at Maverick Insights Counseling, the therapists are not former models or movie stars, so this is a fair question and possible criticism. One of our  licensed therapists will interact with you and respond to you better than social media. To be fair to our non-AI team members, who will not react to your questions and stories with an automated response resulting from a computer generated data bank. As a fellow human, our team members will interact with you like you are a human, and provide you with content, I mean, conversation, for longer than 90 seconds.

2. Why on Earth would anyone pay someone to have a conversation with them?

Yes, this is also a fair question. With billions of people on the planet, and many others speaking the same language as you, why spend money and time having a conversation with, or talking to a therapist? A therapist is not your friend, or your neighbor, or your spouse. A therapist is not going to follow you home and remind you to take the trash out or bring up that one time you visited the haunted hotel just so you could use the snack machine and purchase your favorite candy that no one else in town will stock. No, our team members will not shame you or judge you. We will be legitimately curious about said snack machine, but unless bringing it up helps you heal from what you asked us to help you with, we will sit and marinate in the unknown on that one. Instead, we will gently guide conversations into a space where you can exist and be your best self, help guide you into a path of healing, and get to the root of your concerns so that you can begin to feel better and more confident. 

3. All this sounds like a bunch of hocus pocus. Words are not this powerful. What’s the gimmick? 

Another great question. There is no gimmick at Maverick Insights Counseling. We like to think we are very creative people, but our savvy therapy skills were crafted after years of training, education, and practice. Everyone on our team has years of experience working with folks with mental health issues and we use these skills to continue to help people work towards living a life they are proud of and enjoy. We do not follow some structured (and boring) standardized session format where everyone who visits us leaves with worksheets and homework, unless that’s your thing, and if it is, we’ve got plenty. We know the power of listening and for us, therapy is much more than just feelings and buzzwords. 

4. Will therapy fix my feelings? 

Okay, first of all, there probably is nothing wrong with you that needs to be fixed. However, if you are being weighed down by emotions and are struggling with overwhelming feelings, then therapy is one way to address these concerns. Therapy can help you and empower you to tackle and manage overwhelming or unwanted feelings through interventions and skill building. 

5. Ok, but do I have to tell the therapist everything? 

No, of course not. In a therapy session, you can share as much or as little as you would like. Have a favorite spot in town that is so wonderful that no matter the weather outside or time of day you always feel good when you visit? Awesome. Want to keep that to yourself and never tell your curious therapist? Also awesome. We will survive without this amazing knowledge (and forgive you for wanting to keep it to yourself.) Typically, the more you share, the more a person gets out of therapy sessions, but you know yourself best. We are just here to help you achieve your mental health goals, even if it means admitting that the therapist across town is actually a better fit for your concerns. We want you to achieve success. We will share with you resources to help you on your journey, and we will provide a listening ear for however much or how little you want to share with us. 

Show me the chicken. 

Yes, it is promised in the title.

Here it is.

One Chicken…. 

It is OK to be ungrateful.

Holidays and the end of the year can be stressful. Special events and birthdays come with expectations to appreciate and say thanks to co-workers, family, and even strangers. It can be difficult to balance saying what is expected and being true to yourself. While part of you may want to tell your most annoying co-worker how much you did NOT appreciate them this year at your employer’s holiday party and another part of you wants to scream at your older sister about how you are NOT thankful they drove across the country to see you for Thanksgiving (really, they could have stayed home and saved you the trouble). Whatever the details of your life are, we can all relate to this awkward situation filled with expectations of perfect and consistent bliss and gratitude for everything, and everyone that is around us.

You may feel pressure to express gratitude, but what if you did not have to lie or pretend? What if you did not have to love the present you received? What if you do not have to find the help given to you useful?

Take a minute and let it be fine if you are not appreciative of what someone else does for you. What would this be like?

Sure, it is most certainly a good idea to still thank the person for their time, their hard work, or their effort, but you by no means owe anyone your full gratitude, when you are not grateful. You do not. Not even a little bit. Nope. There is a big difference between complying with a social norm of saying words of gratitude and being grateful.

You can choose what you value and what matters to you. Maybe the only thing in the whole wide world you appreciate right now is your favorite shoes or houseplant. Maybe you are only grateful today for the memory of your late mother's recipe for triple chocolate brownies. Maybe it has been so long since you experienced gratitude that you have forgotten what that feels like.

There is a big difference between expressing gratitude and experiencing gratitude. Consider reflecting upon a time when someone thanked you or someone expressed gratitude towards you for taking the time, effort, or energy to help them. If this is challenging, recall the last time you were watching a movie, or reading a story, and you related to the character in that story. You felt what they were going through. When a different character helped the one you connected with, you experienced gratitude alongside the character. This detail matters. 

It’s not about the words or the statements. You can express gratitude a thousand times over, but without experiencing gratitude, it can be difficult to connect with the core parts of ourselves. If you need some help or support figuring out how to experience gratitude healthily for you or to explore what you value and find important in your life, feel free to reach out to us and we will talk about how to connect you to the support you need, even if it isn't us because even if our team isn't a good fit, we will give you information on where to look next. Why? Because that is one of our core values. What’s one of yours?

Managing Depression

Managing symptoms of a Major Depressive Episode can be challenging, and symptoms of depression can occur outside of a diagnosis of an episode of major depression. Here are some tricks and strategies to manage the day-to-day struggles.

Exercise is great, but not the answer to every problem. Physical movement of your body will probably help you feel better. The important thing to focus on is simply movement. Give yourself credit for walking and standing. Try not to stress over completing traditional exercises. Focus on what you are comfortable doing. If you only have the energy to walk for a few minutes. Then fine. Do what you can move when you can, and give yourself a break. As long as you are trying your best, and pushing yourself to do a little bit more every day, then you are doing fine.

Accept feedback, but don’t take it personally. This is easier said than done, but you need to try your best to listen to feedback. There are going to be times when your ability to accurately sense the world around you is a bit off. The feedback that people give you may be useful, but only to a degree. Unfortunately, it does not take much for the feedback you receive to take on a life of its own and begin to become a putdown. Sometimes the feedback can be extremely hurtful if you let it. Focus on the useful bits and mentally trash the rest. Someone telling you that you are taking forever to make a decision is only useful in that you now know your sense of time is a bit off. You can disregard the implication that you are purposely wasting time, that you are defective, or otherwise doing anything wrong. You are not. The person communicating with you may just lack tact. That is a reflection of their communication skills, not of your self-worth.

Depression is more than a mood disorder. It is a common misconception that if you are depressed, you are just sad all the time. There is a lot more to depression than this. Your physical body most likely hurts a lot. Traditional pain medicines and remedies might not be helping. Simple tasks may now feel impossible because they are painful. Clinical depression has many symptoms, make sure to acknowledge all aspects of the medical condition.

Simplify your wardrobe and other stuff. Focus on being responsible for a week or two weeks’ worth of clothes at the most. You are dealing with a severe illness. It is okay if you wear the same shoes every day for a while. It is okay if you forgo makeup or simplify what you take the time to do. Just focus on being healthy like bathing regularly, even if it means sitting while you take a shower because standing is too much right now. Just focus on wearing clean clothes and other basic maintenance of yourself. There is no need to impress anyone right now. Just focus on being healthy.

You might not like every doctor or therapist you meet. You want to work with doctors and therapists that you respect and trust. It is less important that you like them. At times, you probably will not. If they are doing their job well, he or she will have to tell you things that are difficult for you to hear and understand. It will probably frustrate you and you may not like your doctor for a while. It is okay to feel this way, just continue with your commitment to seeking care.

If you ever feel like it is time to change therapists, consider meeting with a therapist at Maverick Insights Counseling. Feel free to check out our team and ask questions. We are happy to talk to you about therapy options.